This last week has been pretty easy going. I did have preschool at my house (Monday and Wednesday) and it went well. I was a little scared to join this group because teaching is not one of my talents. But since becoming a mother I have noticed I am really good at handling kids my own kids's age and younger. I think I just understand what to do with them now :). And we have really good kids in our class. They like to learn and they actually like following the rules. I didn't take any pictures this week, but here is one from September when I taught last time:
I had an amazing weekend. I went to the Timeout for Women in Portland and I had such a good time. I went with some great ladies. And I felt like I was prepared spiritually for it. Lately I've been doing some soul searching because of a few trials going on in my life. And I've been getting the same answers all from the recent Relief Society lessons, personal scriptures study and from this Time Out for Women (I'm going to be super hip and just write TOfW).
So here's my problem....or was my problem.... I truely thought money would bring happiness. Not in the I want a million dollars so I can buy what ever I want kind of happiness, but that we could pay off all our bills and debt and lack of money related stress-happiness. I kept thinking, one day we'll have them all taken care of, and I'll be so happy when that happens, far off in the future. And then I saw something about Charlie Sheen's big fiasco and I had an light bulb moment (kind of). These stars have all this money, they can buy anything they want, but look at them- they're doing drugs and other not good things, trying to find happiness but looking in all the wrong places. I intellectually always knew this truth, but something about this particular thought made me really feel it. And it made me even more grateful to be in my life. I am so blessed. I know it will bring some relief and peace when we do have all our debts paid off, but I don't have to bank my happiness on that. And that I am here to enjoy my life right now, not in some distant future.
Another problem I have is I'm always in pain. I always have a headache, a neck ache or a backache. I've had this going on even since my car accident in September of 2000. I've been trying to do the best I can to work on things to help, but its always there to some degree. And I will find myself thinking "Why can Heavenly Father just miraculously heal me? Why do I have to deal with this all the time?" It felt like I was being punished, so the result was I was really hard on myself. Every little weakness I had I was just beating myself up over it. I wasn't getting that weakness and sin were 2 totally different things. So I felt like I was stuck in the state of pain and stuck mentally and spiritually. And that I was lacking faith. Only recently have I really started to see my pain in a different light. That I have this pain so that I will rely on Heavenly Father daily. That maybe I wouldn't try to pray as much if I didn't have this pain. And at this TOfW there was a few presenters that talked about pain and suffering and how it can help purify us to become more like Christ and to realize just a bit of what he went through. Also that it might be the best way for me to learn what I'm supposed to learn and to become the person I'm supposed to be. And one thing a couple of the speakers said was "I know you always hear you will not be given more trials and sufferings than you can handle but I don't believe that. I believe you are given more that you can handle so that you will be humbled and rely on His grace." That was a light bulb moment for me too.
I learned a lot of other powerful things this weekend and really loved being in a place where the spirit was so incredibly strong. I have finish up though because my little ones are needing me.
I'm not sure how I feel about sharing this with the world, but I didn't get any comments on my last post, so maybe a lot of people won't see this anyways :).
4 comments:
I am at work and shouldn't be reading this right now, but I am thankful I did. I will need to re-read more carefully later. Thank you for sharing and being open and honest. Your feelings are normal and make sense. I love how you're doing the soul searching and trying to find the positives in everything. I, too, have a lot of pain and physical stuff going on that really have no diagnosis and I, too, am very hard on myself because of it. So thank you for opening up and sharing. It is really helpful. You are an inspiration. :)
I got to go to TofW a few years ago and I thought it was great too. You are an amazing mom and I have loved getting to know you more. I don't necessarily want more money - but I wouldn't mind a free trip to Hawaii! :)
You're doing such an incredible job, Missy! And you have one of the most pure, honest faiths I've ever seen--the least judgemental and the most kind person I've ever met! You're raising three beautiful, sensitive, sweet little kids and you can tell how much they adore you. It is so hard to deal with all of these struggles--in particular, DEBT!!! I hear ya on that one! It is one of my biggest stresses, particularly at this time of the year. But you are handling your worries in the most admirable way--I adore you! Love reading what's going on in that beautiful head of yours too. ;o) Need to get together one of these days when I'm in Springfield, I miss you!
Karen- I totally thought of you when I was at the conference! I forgot to add something to my blog that also really had an impact on me- the speaker mentioned Mosiah 24:13-15. It really hit me hard, in a good way :).
Thanks Kirsten! I'm so glad we're in a calling together and that you are so patience with me!
Jill- Your comment really means a lot to me. I really admire you too and I'm glad we have this way to connect :).
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